Nursery Reveal

I know this is long overdue but I really wanted to wait till I had the crib to get the full effect. We ordered it from Walmart and just put it together last week. She is still sleeping in our room but I have a feeling within the next few weeks we will start to do a few test runs with her in the nursery.

(You're only seeing half of the room because the other side still has a dresser with Phil's clothes in it. With her sleeping in our room we didn't have room for both of our dressers so it's the nursery/Phil's dressing room.)

Enjoy!

Next Steps

I have been debating lately on what direction I want this blog to go. I mainly wanted to use it to record my pregnancy but I think it would still be fun to continue on and record updates on Abigail. I guess it depends on if people will read it/care to read about her.

I am absolutely loving Motherhood. Overall it's actually not as hard as I thought it was going to be. No...I did not say it wasn't hard. Sometimes it's very hard, but I was expecting it to be harder. I think this has to do with Abigail being such a good baby. If she was colicky at all i'm assuming I would feel very different.

Phil and I have both adjusted really well to our new addition and to how different life has become. It's definitely harder and more complicated but she is worth all of it. She has got us both wrapped around her little finger. (As if there is really any other way?)

We are amazed at how much she has already grown and developed and we are looking forward to each new step as it comes, but also trying to enjoy the current stage she is in. As most of you know I have always had a thing specifically for infants and after working with them for over 4 years, it is so strange to have one that is mine.

Here are some pictures from a little photo shoot I took of her.

31 Hours to Abigail

*Incredibly long post ahead.*

Attempting to type out my labor and delivery story feels a little like standing at the base of a large mountain. So much happened and 31 hours is a long period of time to remember. I will do my best to recollect as much as I can because I know that as each day goes on I forget a little more of each detail. (Which is the only reason I will be able to bring myself to have another child and risk having to do this all over again.)
My labor story turned out quite different than what I was imagining, but now that it's over and I made it through, I can say that I am 100% happy when I look back on all 31 hours of it (I just realized that I'm going to cry at probably several points while writing this. I blame the crazy fluctuating hormones). Don't get me wrong; February 13th was by far one of the worst days of my whole life. (I get to say that because she wasn't born till the 14th) I literally labored all 24 hours of that day and it was horrible, excruciating, and exhausting.

My midwife said that labor is much more about a mental duration than physical duration. My body was more than capable of handling all that labor brought, but it all came down to my mental endurance. Our brains are the ones that sell us short by convincing us that we can't do it.

I wanted to be able to write down my progress through labor as it was happening with exact times because I knew it would be hard to recall after it was all over. I was able to do this for the first 12 hours and then it just got way too intense to remember. I started having contractions nightly the 3 nights before I actually went into labor. They would start in the evening and then I would go to bed but by the time I woke up they were gone. By this time I was dying to get labor going so I would get really excited whenever I would have regular contractions.

(Any text that is bold and underlined is notes that I was writing as it was happening. I will include these notes and comment further)

These are notes from the few days before I actually went into active labor. I don’t know if you would consider it “false labor” or not but it was quite disappointing when the contractions would be gone in the morning.

Monday, February 11

9:00pm- Contractions start. 5 minutes apart feeling like menstrual cramps. Feels different than Braxton Hicks. Not as much uterine tightening. 

11:00 pm- Went to the bathroom. Big piece of clear thick mucous. Mucous Plug?

(Tuesday, February 12)

1:20am- Try to go to bed

7:30am- Contractions gone. 

Evening- Lots of cervical mucous. Brown tinged with a little bit of red blood. "Bloody show?"

Well that really was the beginning of my Bloody Show and here is where real labor actually started.

11:30pm- Contractions start again. More painful and more lower back pain/ache than last night

Wednesday, February 13

12:45am- Holy crap these hurt! Every 9 minutes. 

3:30am- Contractions 5-7 minutes apart. Bright red blood. Definitely Bloody Show.

4:30am- 3-4 minutes apart

This whole time Phil was sleeping and I wanted to let him sleep as much as possible so that he was rested for the long day ahead. He ended up waking up on his own around 3 or 4 because he could just feel that something was happening. My Grandma who lives in Wisconsin actually woke up at 3am and felt like she should pray for me. Very cool! (And this was her birthday. We thought she would be born on this day but Abigail had other plans.) At this point I was handling contractions very well, breathing through them and thinking ‘These are really manageable. I can totally do this!’ I had been debating on calling the midwife or not because I didn't want to wake her up in the middle of the night if the contractions were going to go away. The one reason I decided to call her was because of the amount of blood I was having when going to the bathroom. I knew that meant something was really happening.

At home on the couch

5:00am- Called midwife. She said to rest/sleep as much as possible between contractions. She will call to check in around 10am to see how I've progressed unless something happens in the meantime in which case I would call her. 

I knew deep down that I had a long ways to go but I was really hoping she would have told me to come in. This whole time I was sitting on my couch which reclines. I didn't feel like walking, moving, swaying, or really anything other than just sitting very still and focusing really hard when a contraction would come.

6:30am- Was able to sleep between contractions for a while. They are MUCH harder to get through when lying on my side. Sitting upright (reclined) is best.

My friend Miranda came over around 9am. I had asked her to be there for the labor to take pictures and also for moral support.

10:30am- Still at home laboring. Midwife will call again soon to check on me and reassess

The midwife called back to check on me and I told her things were really starting to get more intense. She told me we could come in just to get assessed. I had a feeling she would check me and send me on my way, but I had a little hope that maybe I was far enough along to be able to stay. The Midwives say that they can usually tell how far along you are in labor simply by talking to you on the phone. She knew I wasn't that close because I was able to talk through the contractions. I think maybe she just had me come in to get checked to ease my own mind.

12:00pm- Heading to the Birth Center to get assessed

(That was the last update I made on my phone. It got way too intense after this to keep track)

One of the worst parts of labor was the drive into the Birth Center. By this time my contractions were getting pretty bad to where I had started some low moans to get through them. It seriously felt like we were off-roading. Every single little tiny bump we went over hurt so incredibly bad. Even just the regular bumps of a road made it a lot more painful but then of course you have the actual potholes and ice/snow. It got to the point where Phil had to pull the car over every time I had a contraction because it was just so bad. During this is when I first remembered thinking, “Ok, labor is harder than I thought. This really sucks.” Before this when I was laboring at home I felt very in control of the pain. After 12 hours of labor things were finally progressing.

Phil and I arrived at the Birth Center and they sent me to an exam room. Amy (the midwife who delivered Abigail and also the owner of the Birth Center) checked me and said I was “soft and low with a bulging bag of waters.” There was no mention of how many centimeters I was and I was too afraid to ask, so we left it at that. She said I still had a ways to go so she wanted me to get as much rest as possible and also eat a full healthy meal for energy while I still could. She also said I should try walking if I could to get things moving. We asked how we would know when to call her next and she looked at Phil and said, “You will just know when to call.”

My Mom lives two blocks away from the birth center and I would have done anything to not have to drive all the way back to our house through more bumpy roads. We decided to grab some food at Café Latte on Grand Avenue and wait for my Mom to get home from work so I could labor there until it was time to go back to the Birth Center. We drove the few blocks down to the restaurant and Miranda and I sat in the car while Phil went in to get the food. There was no way I was about to go inside and try to eat there while having contractions like that. My Mom had an emergency at work of course so she was taking a while to get home so at one point, while parked outside of Café Latte, I fell asleep. Phil says I was actually asleep for a solid hour even through the contractions. I remember going in and out of sleep but waking up to some pretty bad ones.

Finally my Mom got home and we settled in to her place. I wanted to sit reclined like I had been at my house so my Mom got me a stool to put my feet on and I sat on the couch. By this time it was around 4:30 in the evening and my sister Genna got off school and took the bus to my Mom’s house. As soon as she got there she started right in and from that moment on was my little birth partner. I remember her rubbing my feet through each contraction. I was so glad to have my little birth team with me through the rest of this and I seriously doubt my ability to have gotten through it without them. My Mom’s and Miranda’s words of encouragement were honestly my fuel and Genna was my little masseuse; rubbing my feet or shoulders or back whenever I needed it. Phil was just everything. He did whatever he could and whatever I needed in each moment, and just having him near me meant so much through the whole process.

I did try to do a little walking at my Mom’s place. Tried a few squats since she said my bag of waters was bulging. I thought it would be nice if I could get it to break because I knew that would move things along. No such luck. Then things really started to progress and this was when the back labor started. Each contraction would start in the front and then I would have a tightening/burning sensation in my lower back. I was moaning and breathing through each contraction while my birth team encouraged me and helped me relax the best I could. Phil knew that this was the time to call Amy back and let her know where I was at. She said it was time for me to come in and that they were getting the birthing suite ready for me. I was so excited when Phil told me and I started dreaming about getting into the nice big, warm birthing tub. We started preparing to leave and all of the sudden I felt very nauseous. I asked someone to get me a bucket and before I knew it, all of my yummy lunch from Café Latte was up and out. And when I say all, I mean all. My body wanted every ounce of it out. Let me tell you, throwing up while having a contraction is almost as bad as the car ride while having contractions.

At my Mom's

Trying to walk

Squats

Phil getting a little cat nap

My little personal masseuse

Once the nausea went away we loaded up and drove the two blocks over to the birth center. It was such a relief to walk into that beautiful house and into that birthing suite with the huge bed, dim lighting, and bathtub filling. Amy checked me right when we got there and she said my water was still bulging. She said they could break my water and that would hopefully get things really going. We consented and with one little poke my water was broke. I was surprised at the amount that came out and I remember it being very warm. She warned me at that point that the contractions would get a lot more painful now that the water was broken. I was so ready though that I was almost looking forward to it.

Finally at the birth center!

18 hours in and I was still feeling confident! I really wanted to get in the tub but they wanted me to try the shower for a while. I remember the first step I took into the shower and that hot water on my back and how absolutely amazing it felt. The shower and the tub were really the only two forms of pain relief I had. After a while of sitting in the shower the euphoria of it kind of wore off and things got much worse. I was sitting on a birthing stool in the shower and Phil was sitting right next to me, rubbing my back and encouraging me. Then I had another wave of nausea and I threw up the water and protein bar I had since I had threw up the last time. Thankfully that was the last time I threw up which is good because I continued to eat and drink through the rest of the labor.

Finally I made Phil go out and ask the midwife if I could get into the tub because they were slightly resisting it. I didn't know why at the time but my guess now is that sometimes relaxing in the tub can slow things down and that was not something any of us wanted to happen. But after sitting in the shower for over an hour they let me get into the tub and I got a 2nd wave of euphoria. The warmth felt so good and I was able to relax a little more. My contractions were definitely extreme at this point and the back labor made it way worse. I really remember moaning a lot in the tub. I never yelled or screamed; in general or at anyone specifically. I very much “went inside myself” and just tried to focus on breathing. My birthing team was very helpful with reminding me to breathe when I would start moaning too much or if I was tensing my body too much. I remember Genna rubbing my back and pouring water on my shoulders as I sat in the tub with my head leaned on the side.

After this point things just kind of blend together. I remember laboring in many different positions. On the bed on my side was one of the worst most painful positions but they were having me try different positions because they assumed at this point that she was in a weird position and that was the reason it was taking so long. They were hoping that having me move into different positions might make her turn or move into the right position.

It was probably about midnight on the 14th, after being in labor for 24 hours, that I really started to wonder if I would really have the strength to finish. Mainly the part where I had to push her out. By this point I was so exhausted and the contractions and back labor were so intense I really wanted to just give up and say, "Take me to the hospital!" I wasn't very verbal about my doubts though because I knew they would only take me if there was an emergency. I knew that everyone there had 100% faith that I could do it, I just didn't have faith in myself.

 I remember laying there on my side and finally saying to the birth assistant (who is an RN nurse),"What happens if I don't progress?" and she promptly said, "We're not gonna talk about that right now." Then she asked if I wanted the midwife to check me to see how far I had to go and I said absolutely  Up until this point there was never any talk of how many centimeters I was. I never knew how far I was which I am glad about. I think it would have been discouraging to know if I was only halfway there or what not. I didn't want to get stuck on numbers. Later on Phil told me that around 10pm he was outside of the room and the midwives told him I was at an 8. I was glad they told him because I think at that time he needed to know that I was getting close.

The midwife came in and checked me and to my relief she said I only had a "lip" left. meaning I was almost a 10 but just had a tiny little bit left that needed to open. She said we could start practice pushing! I was still worried about not having enough energy though. I think I practiced pushing on my back for a while and when I would get a contraction and start pushing, the back labor would be so incredibly painful that I often would just stop pushing. They kept telling me to "push through the pain" but that was almost impossible! It was such a hard place to be because I knew that the only way to make it all end was to push her out but I wasn't having much success with the pushing.

Pushing...

After a few hours of on and off pushing they knew I needed some energy and they had a feeling I was dehydrated. I gave them permission to give me an IV and I ended up getting 2 liters of fluid. (Which would explain why I had to pee so many times after I had her!)

 Then one of the midwives wanted me to eat some yogurt. Normally I would have been totally ok with this but it was some weird kind of yogurt that has a little thing of honey on the side and your supposed to spoon some of the honey out of the side and eat it with the yogurt. They had already given me probably 3 spoonfuls of honey through the previous 12 hours for energy which I was fine with but didn't like that it had given me a really weird taste in my mouth. So now i'm laying in bed on my side, trying to get through contractions and back labor, with this midwife feeding me spoonful after spoonful of this honey yogurt. I kept saying, "I don't like the honey." To which she kept telling me I needed the energy to push her out. I seriously felt like I ate a vat of that stuff. It just kept coming and coming!

 I tried pushing on a birthing stool hoping gravity would help. No luck. Tried sitting in the shower on a birthing stool. No luck. Then I remember being on the toilet cause I had to pee and just kind of pushing with contractions. All of the sudden it hit me; that "primal urge" to push that many women talk about. Before this the pushing was very weak and not doing too much to get her out. Now my body took over and my pushing was really intense.

So at this point I had tried pushing on and off from about 1am till around 5am. I had some energy back and was ready to really get serious about getting her out, especially now that my body was taking over and pushing became a lot easier. I don't remember the point at which the back labor stopped but I would assume it was around 5 when I started seriously pushing. Sometimes when I would push the midwife would have to go up there and push that little bit of cervix I had left around her head which made it all the more uncomfortable and painful.

I pushed solid from 5am till she was born at 6:36am. I remember every time I would push and everyone around would be so encouraging. The midwife would say, "Good job, you're doing so good! Keep pushing, keep pushing, a little more." Then I would stop to breathe and she would say, "Ok right back at it. Another push." Each time I would give just a little more than I thought was possible. I knew at this point it was all about my mind and forcing myself to go farther than I even thought I could. My Mom and Phil were there for all of the pushing but Miranda and Genna had been taking a nap during a lot of it and asked if someone would come get them when I was close.

After a while of this intense pushing I kept thinking that she was just about to come out. I obviously couldn't see anything down there so I didn't realize she still had a ways to go but every time I would push someone would say something like, "She's so close! I can see her head." Or, "Great push, your so close!" Well I thought they meant like, this next push and she'll be out. I thought that through the hour and a half of pushing! Looking back it's probably a good thing because I pushed harder than I thought was even possible thinking each time that maybe this would be the push to get her out.

Finally I heard the words I had been waiting for: "She has hair!" This was basically all the motivation I needed to push her the rest of the way out. I definitely remember when she was crowning and I got the "ring of fire." It burned so bad and it was really hard to not push between contractions cause I just wanted her out! It was probably 2 or 3 contractions after I got the ring of fire and the rest of her slimy little body slithered out. Phil was on my right side and reached down and pulled her up onto my chest.

*Finally*

This moment was indescribable. The amount of relief I had in that moment cannot be measured. After 31 long gruesome hours I had finally done it. She started crying after the nurse rubbed her back a little. I remember looking at Phil and saying, "She's finally here!" and then looking at my sister who was on my left side and seeing the look on her face.

Phil got to cut the cord while she sat on my chest for quite a while. Then the midwives delivered my placenta. It took probably less than 10 minutes after she was born for it to come out. To get the placenta out I had to do little fake coughs instead of push. It felt very warm and slimy when it came out. I didn't see it when it came out but they showed it to me later. It was a lot bigger than I thought it would be. They checked for lacerations and found 2 little "scrapes." They were small enough that no repair was needed. I was so relieved. They said that since she came out slowly it gave my skin time to stretch. Although I wasn't too thrilled about the amount of time I had to push, I guess it was worth it that I didn't have to tear.

I was able to breastfeed within an hour of her being born and she latched right on and ate like a champ. After this long night my Mom and Miranda had to go to work and my sister had to go to school. They had gotten little naps in here and there but no substantial sleep. I am eternally grateful to them for their support through that and I honestly don't think I could have gotten through it without them.

The midwives wanted me to eat so Phil went down the street to Bread and Chocolate (a local coffee shop) and got me a panini and a fruit cup. I sat and ate while they checked her and monitored my vital signs. She was born at 6:36 and we went home around 10:30am. I was not at all nervous about going home, but was actually looking forward to getting into my own bed and resting.

I cannot help but think of how differently this whole experience would have gone if I had been in a hospital. I can say with 100% certainty that if I had been in a hospital I would have gotten an epidural. Probably not till the last half when things really started to get long. I wouldn't have been surprised if I had gotten the epidural and it slowed my labor even more, leading to a C-section. Hospitals often do C-sections for the reason of "failure to progress." I am so incredibly lucky that I had the team of midwives who were confident in my body's ability to get her out, even if it took a long time. They never once showed an ounce of worry or fear, which was reassuring to not only me but Phil, my Mom, Miranda, and Genna.

It was harder than I imagined, but worth every second.

One week old. Every stretch mark worth it. 

End of the Rope

I figure I better update everyone on signs, symptoms, and the latest pregnancy happenings.

Maybe this will be my last post before she is here! I sure hope so.

I am very ready for her to come as most of you can probably tell by my Facebook status' as of late. I'm huge, uncomfortable, and generally in pain.

At my last prenatal appointment I had only gained one pound which I was super psyched about (hoping that's all baby). I also had a little meeting with the lactation consultant at the Birth Center to just go over basics and talk about the first few days of establishing breast feeding. The lactation consultant actually comes to my house I believe 24 hours post partum to help and make sure things are working, which is really awesome. (The Midwives also come to my house to check on me and baby.)

TMI time: I think I've been passing my mucous plug slowly over the past two weeks. It can either come in one big chunk or slowly. No bloody show yet. The last two nights I have been woken up to some semi painful contractions. I never timed them cause I figured if it really was labor I better try my hardest to get as much sleep as I could. Then both nights, when I woke up the contractions were back to the usual inconsistent uncomfortable Braxton Hicks.

My feet have been swollen a lot lately, usually at the end of the day. Oh and the itchiness....still horrendous. Absolutely mizerable. It happens most in the evening and at night for some reason. Lotion makes it like 10% better, and sometimes I put a cold pack on my stomach which was Phil's suggestion and that has helped the most but isn't a cure all.

My next prenatal appointment is Thursday (Yes, Valentines Day) but I'm hoping I don't make it that far!

38 Weeks and 4 Days

An Itch

One symptom that has been REALLY bad lately is an itchy belly!!! Seriously, it's so bad sometimes it hurts. It takes every ounce of self control to not just viciously scratch without abandon. I don't think I have mentioned on here that my few stretch marks turned into about a million. I can no longer count them. They cover the entirety of the bottom half of my stomach. I would put a picture but it is really not a pretty sight.

It's not that I'm embarrassed by them. I had prepared myself for getting them so I am fairly at peace with them. They are the really big red kind, and some of them are just so big and fresh that they are basically like a wound of sorts. So I know that itching them is probably really bad and would make them worse possibly.

If you have ever experienced a severe itch, you know what I'm talking about. It's gonna send me to the looney bin.

P.S. 12 days till D-day!!! AHH!

Over It

I want this baby out.

Today was just one of those days.

50% sick of being pregnant, 50% just want to meet this little girl.

100% ready.

My feet are really swollen today. Tons of really uncomfortable Braxton Hicks. The usual ligament pain. Heartburn.

I did my GBS test at my last Midwife appointment and will find out about that at my Thursday appointment. I also have a breastfeeding appointment. I guess it's something they have everyone at the birth center do. I think I meet with their lactation consultant.

My labor bags are packed. The house is clean (enough). The pack and play is set up in our bedroom. I told Phil he has to install the car seat in the car tomorrow.

I'm tired, cranky, and overly emotional. Time for bed.